CHEESE AND NINJAS
Irwin: The bandicoot is menacing the cheese plate.
Dennis: You turn the automated roosters against the mob.
Pradeep: As they say in America, you go to war with the genetically enhanced super soldiers you have, not the genetically enhanced super soldiers you wish you had.
Irwin: It may be useful to have a crate full of exploding jelly fish.
Dennis: We painted the Goh-Goh Kolah logo on the side of a luxury submarine for advertising. But it’s a submarine, so we couldn’t actually use it for that.
Irwin: This dolphin’s an asshole! He deserves it!
BAG OF BEANS
Renata: Dirigibles always seem to be coming back into style, but they never actually do.
Dennis: (Suggestively, as he shows his gun.) Are you packing, too?
IAN: And yet somehow your species manages to reproduce.
Irwin: IAN, play the audio file labeled MSS on all the loudspeakers on the island.
IAN: Is that the one labeled “NSFW?”
Irwin: GOD NO!! And please don’t tell Dennis! That was research, I tell you! Research!
Irwin: Previously, I snuck monkey pheromones into everyone’s personal hair care products.
Irwin: Throw me the four-year-old, I’ll throw you the weapon.
Irwin: I really wanted to move my chair toward them remotely saying IR-RI-TATE! IR-RI-TATE!
Dennis: Zheng, you are the best thing that’s ever happened to my air force.
IAN: The seismic equipment was moved into Singapore on a shipping line owned by Du Zhang Zhang. Next question: who paid for it.
Dennis: I hope it wasn’t me.
Dennis: Everyone wants revenge on me. That doesn’t mean we can’t do business.
GM: You get a free invoke if you blow your cur lies.
Dennis: You’ll be rich one day and look back at this and laugh.
Emelio: I’m already rich.
Dennis: Me, too.
Mac: Do I know about Irwin’s camels?
GM: Everyone knows about Irwin’s camels.
IAN SCAR: This conversation is making me a little uncomfortable.
GM: You need to kind of finesse the camel here.
Irwin: I had a this plan to create a revolt among the goats.
Irwin: Wait, doesn’t he have one of those implants that lets IAN shock him when he says something inappropriate? I thought we all had that!
Irwin: I’ve got an idea.
Sashi: Oh, god.
Irwin: What do you have against science?
Sashi: Nothing until we met you.
Jan: Someone pour this man a drink.
Irwin: Do you have Fosters?
Jan: We do not have Fosters.
Irwin: Then it’s not much of a utopia, is it?
DOMINANCE AND SUB MISSION
Zara: I’ll lead the robots away while Sashi plays with the dongle.
NO MAN’S LAND
Sashi: It’s Versailles, but without the subtlety and reserve.
IANSCAR: I don’t do virtual online environments.
Sashi: You don’t? I thought your other job was as a Halo server.
Dennis: IAN, I know you’re busy, but can you make some slides for me real quick?
IANSCAR: Remind me to increase the amount of money I embezzle.
GM: Space Pope needs ice cream!!!
GM: You hear a high-pitched yelling and a bunch of people leap out of the bush and attack you.
Sashi: Let me guess, they’re Japanese soldiers who don’t know World War II is over?
Sashi: American soldiers who don’t know World War III is over?
GM: No. They’re women in GohGoh Kolah marketing bikinis.
IANSCAR: I’ll leave my meatbags outside.
Sahsi: I don’t know what happened. These guys just showed up and killed the doctor and damaged his girlfriend’s sex robot.
Du Leng Feng: The difference between illegal drugs and GohGoh Cola…
GM: He kind of reminds you of Irwin. Not the crusty, obnoxious part. But he definitely went to crazy camp with Irwin.
Sashi: IAN, it’s time. Initiate Zeta Protocol. Release the eels.
IANSCAR: I can’t. I don’t have control of the eels.
Sashi: We never had control of the eels.
IANSCAR: Given that his contact was lining up your employees and shooting them, I think you have a better case to be mad than he does.
Dennis: Yeah, but he has guns.
IANSCAR: You have guns.
Sashi: Yeah, but he knows how to use them.
Du Zhang Zhang: How are things going with my father? You two seem to be getting very close.
Dennis: Yes, things are going very well between us.
John: He’s carrying my child.
Pradeep: They’re vulnerable to panda musk.
Sashi: Isn’t that the current head of Tesla? Elon’s grandson?
Dennis: They’re beautiful, deadly, and used to wearing scanty clothing.
Sashi: So, perfect for Dennis’s security.
GM: The enraged pandas have been invoked.
IANSCAR: It could be two or three weeks until they get here, though.
John: That’s really going to surprise whoever’s here at that point.
Ava: “What? Those pandas look enraged!”
John: “But really tired.”
Ava: The pandas have hit the fan.
GM: So the enraged pandas show up, but they’re kinda “eh,” because, I mean, they’re pandas.
GM: The super soldiers have been rendered inert by panda musk.
John: Excellent job selling shoddy products.
Sashi: Someday you’ll get backdoored by a kangaroo with no warning at all.
Elias: That’s pretty much the worst way to go.
Dennis: Just ask Irwin.
GM: You don’t have empathy, but you can still roll.
Ingkar: Yes, I do. I bought it.
IANSCAR: It cost her a pretty penny, but she bought it. The finest empathy money can buy.
Ingkar: [rolls] No.
Sashi: Apparently not.
IANSCAR: You bought it from Pradeep, didn’t you?
GM: It’s bad for West Indian Shipping and it’s bad for Irwin.
Dennis: That’s a good trade.
IANSCAR: If you succeed at this, you get promoted to combat accountant.
GM: There’s a lot of money in that account. Du Zhang Zhang’s been stealing from her father.
IANSCAR: Thanksgiving’s going to be fun for you, Dennis.
Irwin: I need a YouTube channel.
John: As you can see, the kitten can’t control the rockets on its legs.
YEAR OF THE RABBIT
Irwin: I’ve been working on an anti-rabbit…
Sashi: What’s going on? There are protesters outside your lab.
Irwin: That’s not unusual.
Sashi: Some of them are supporting you.
Irwin: I’ll put it in my rabbit blender.
IANSCAR: I said a major star.
Irwin: I’ll have you know I’m killing in the 5-7 year-old demographic.
Sashi: Yes, but we’re trying to cover that up.
IANSCAR: All it’s going to do is piss them off.
Sashi: There is no statement involving Irwin for which that is not the appropriate response.
Irwin: Hit them with Billy the Intern
Ingkar: I know billy clubs are good weapons, but no.
BOY IN THE BOX
GM: Sterility was averted.
GM: Joey Gongalong is working with the Reapers.
IANSCAR: Because he hates humanity that much. I wonder why.
Irwin: I blame the MBA. If he’d stuck with the hard sciences he’d have been fine.
Redhead: We know you’re Mr. Makarev’s fixers. This gentleman Irwin…
Irwin: I’m more of a breaker.
GM: After having been stuck in quarantine for a week due to the rabbit bite, Ingkar’s getting a little stir crazy.
Sashi: She’s hopping mad.
Irwin: The top rated social media game in Singapore is Uncle Irwin’s Animal Hospital.
Sashi: Yellowjackets in winter?
Irwin: They have jackets on. I knitted them myself.
Goon on Snowmobile: I got jumped by the project manager?!
Dennis: For millions of dollars more, could you do it?
Brain Surgeon: For millions of dollars? When and where?
Dennis: A Faraday cage. When you’re sober… enough.
Dennis: One: I’ve got a brain surgeon — the best brain surgeon in the world — to operate on Corey as soon as she sobers up. I need you to check her out and make sure she really is the best brain surgeon in the world.
Dennis: Two: Ingkar’s daughter has been kidnapped.
IANSCAR: Way to bury the lede.
GM: In fairness, the surgeon was pretty hot.
IANSCAR: Okay, so verify that the brain surgeon who’s going to operate on our boss is, in fact…
Sashi: He blew up his boss’s head! Trying to get a date with a drunken surgeon! While his daughter was being born!
Dennis: That’s one way of looking at it.
PORT IN A STORM
Sashi: Well, we’re not going to be invading with the marines, having gotten them all killed in a Philippine casino. On the other hand, it’s how they would have wanted to go.
Inkar: You’re looking for a Korean anime theme park taken over by killer robots.
IANSCAR: I’ve got seven.
Dennis: We’re not bludgeoning orphans.
Sashi: I have a sudden image of Irwin raising a club over a prone orphan going, “we’re not?”
Inkar: Not a club, a dead bandicoot.
Dennis: Are you bearish or bullish on this?
The Bull: You think you’re so funny.
TOWER OF BABEL
IANSCAR: I’d like him to bring his engineers. We’ll take their families, too.
Pradeep: It’s nice how that’s a friendly gesture, yet they’re all hostages.
Warlord: I need the money so that I can use it to buy more weapons from you. If you keep me from doing that, I’ll get angry and then I’ll have to have people kill you.
Pradeep: With what weapons?
GM: The net is basically a constant DDOS attack.
IANSCAR: Stupid Joey Gongalong.
Sashi: So basically the net has been taken over by kangaroo porn.
GM: IANSCAR’s probably very interested in that.
Sashi: Kangaroo porn???
IANSCAR: He’s got a briefcase full of spare cyber arms.
Sashi: A golf bag. He’s got an arm caddy.
IANSCAR: He’s got an arms guy.
Sashi: If I have to explain the birds and the bees to a 19-year-old Korean pop star, I want a raise.
Awffelhoef: I’ve got this.
GM: So this is a great opportunity to explain how damage works.
Roo: I guess that’s what happens with grenades.
GM: The grenade hasn’t gone off yet. So that’s another problem.
GM: Mr. Roo is covered in goo.
Sashi: That’s the worst Dr. Seuss book.
Awffelhoef: Is anyone here from Singapore? Us, too! Tonight, everyone’s from Singapore! Except those ninjas on the roof. Someone kill them.
GM: There’s a little bit of a parting of the glitter.
GM: You’re left holding the ninja.